The Lens

This week, a couple of times I have had some really interesting conversations about removing our experiences from our faith to be able to share our faith with others. I still stand by what I've said: that you cannot remove experience from faith because our experiences are the lens through which we view our faith. Let me see if I can muddle these thoughts from my head into some sort of sense in black and white...

First of all, I should start with the fact that I don't think you can truly share your faith in a way that can be meaningful outside of relationship with another person. I won't knock on the door of a stranger and ask them to listen to me talk about this incredible God that I love. Sharing faith is meaningful when people are curious - curious about the God I follow or curious about the life I live. I'll continue to say I'm not a shove-my-God-down-your-throat kind of girl and I mean it. With all my heart.

So, when in relationship with others, if it comes up or if you ask me about it, I share my experience. It's not good enough to say I believe in the Christian God and leave it at that. In these conversations, there's an important why. And that why... It is the lens through which I view what I believe.

All the things I have experienced in my life - the joy, the peace, the heartache, the brokenness, the love - play into my experience of God. And as all of those things have happened, they have shaped the way I have come to understand who and what God is and how awesome her love and peace and divine presence is. So to remove those experiences of God from my faith, I remove the understanding of God I have formed and will continue to form.

Without those experiences, God is just a word... No meaning, no weight, no implications. But through my experiences of God, I have formed a deep, rich and meaningful faith. And I can share that with others. If I don't share with you my experience of God, I can't share anything about God, other than the word. So yes. My experience of God is the lens through which I view my faith. And if I remove that lens, I have nothing to share...

I Think We Missed the Point

You know what bothers me? Getting so wrapped up in the practice of our faith that we miss the point. Our faith really isn't about the church-y. In my world, it's about finding and trusting in the sacredness of things greater than us. Beyond our our imaginations and possibilities... If we're wrapped up in what we call it, the "gender" of the greater power or the rituals we need to go through to get to it, we've missed the point.

This is probably the disclaimer paragraph of this whole post. My name for the greater power is God. I come from the Christian tradition; that's what I grew up calling it. Does God need to be gendered? No. In fact, I often interchange pronouns for God, using both male and female pronouns or titles. I love the rituals employed by different churches, temples and mosques because they help me to feel closer and more connected to both God and the people who have or are walking their faith journeys, too. I love the symbolism and discipline found in the structure of many faith practices. I pray, I use prayer beads, I meditate, I love prayer labrynths, I go to church every week, I read and study the texts of my faith... But I also see God in many other places. The smile of a child, the comfort of a friend's embrace, the peace I feel when playing the piano...

Almost six years ago now (hard to believe!), there were a string of events that really led me to become open to experiencing the spirit in ways I hadn't before. Before that, I was a "practice-centered Christian" (I just totally made up that term). Saying the right words while praying, completing tasks like they were a checklist, singing Christian music and reading the Bible in a literal way were all important parts of what I needed to do to be a Christian. Or so I believed.

Several friends, Jenn in particular, helped me begin to get more comfortable with a new concept of this Christian faith that was so important to me. I began not worrying about the words I used when praying or not using any words altogether. I began listening for the feelings in the pit of my stomach, the voice in the back of my head... I started to see God not as this overpowering and chastising father figure, but as a loving, peaceful and supportive mother. The religious rituals I practice - baptism, communion, song, - became less about their concrete practice and more about the way they helped me feel connected to God or connected to the holy. I learned to use a prayer labrynth to quiet my spirit and listen, I began reading the Bible and asking myself what the morals or messages the authors were trying to get across, based on what we know was going on in the world at those times and I began figuring out that growing up, I'd often missed the point of what my faith really was all about.

And today, more than ever, I get super frustrated when I see friends who are struggling and getting hung up on those practice-centered things. All of those things are human-created ways to help us grasp and understand and live out this incredible sense of higher power that is sacred to us. We will all experience God (or Buddah or Yhwh or Vishnu or Allah or whatever we call that greater divinity) in different ways, in different places and in different times. Sometimes I just want to shake people and tell them to let those things go! To experience first and worry about how to do it and what to call it later! If it's about the things and the names and the "right" and "wrong" way to experience it, we've missed the point. Totally, completely and absolutely missed the point.

"Spiritual but not religious" is a whole separate blog issue, but in some ways I don't think those people have missed the mark that much. All the tools that we use within religions are just ways to help us experience, understand and grasp this concept that is so much greater than us... But if you took it all away, would your remaining faith still exist? Six years ago for me, it really didn't...

The Holy Spirit's Movin, Y'All!

Hi, Blogworld! I missed you! It's been a little crazy lately (like it ever hasn't been; that's a total excuse). Tonight's blog might verge on the edge of repetitive to something I've already said, but there's a giant spider in my room that disappeared a few minutes ago and I haven't found it again, so I'm not willing to spend the time or reading power to look and be sure it isn't.

I need to preface this post with a little background so it all makes sense for you. I have always been a big believer that people will start searching for God or for a church when they're ready for and open to it. And that until they're ready for and open to it, even if they go or you share, it probably won't end in an incredible experience.

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at a barbecue and a family member remarked to her sister that they really needed to get to church and that they should go to my church because there were lots of kids there. I don't remember the specifics of the conversation, but it ended abruptly when I said that I was sure her sister knew where I went to church and that they were always welcome and that if she had any other questions about it, she knew where to find me, but shoving it toward them wasn't necessary.

Well guess what? Tonight, the sister called me and asked if she could drop the kids off for church tomorrow. And then she thanked me for standing up and saying that they would ask if and when they were ready.

Going to a new church or exploring the whole God thing can be scary if you've never been or haven't been in a while. Hell, it's scary even if you have. I remember searching for a new church after leaving the one I grew up in! Scary stuff! It takes some time just to get used to the idea of it, even before you act. And someone saying "you should..." isn't helpful. Not in my mind, anyways. "Hey, I want you to know that if and when you're ready to explore the possibility, I'd love to share my church with you" is less threatening and quite honestly, more inviting to me.

It's one of those trusting God issues. Sometimes, you just have to trust that the Holy Spirit will move within people to grant them the courage it takes to pick up the phone and ask or walk through a door. Or to seek out whatever they're searching for. Our job isn't to push or compel or motivate. Our job is to be there to welcome people in whom the Holy Spirit has moved.

Water and Wine

Every month at our church Cabinet meeting, we complete a task or discussion activity that aims to keep us mindful of our mission. Tonight, we had a discussion prompt. We worked in partners and were to give an example of when a church had turned water into wine for us and then an example of when a church had turned wine into water for us.

In John 2, there's a story where Jesus, his mom Mary, and Jesus' disciples are at a wedding. They ran out of wine at the wedding and Mary was freaking out to Jesus about it. Jesus basically told Mary it wasn't really his problem. Mary ordered the servants to do what Jesus said, so Jesus told the servants to fill all the jars with water and take it to the chief steward. To his pleasant surprise, when he drank from the jugs, the water had miraculously become wine. Yeah! Party on! 

So what's my water to wine? My most recent water to wine moment was on the missions trip last week. I didn't go with the expectation that I would be helping to lead vespers, to offer a prayer of blessing for a new garden or to prepare for a communion service. But I was given all of those opportunities. What I thought would be missions work and chaperoning youth was truly an opportunity for ministry I'd never gotten before.  It doesn't seem like much... But it went from being an ordinary day of work to a sacred time of preparing communion and peaceful prayer before vespers. In many of those moments, I felt closer to God than I ever had before. 

Digging into the wine to water was a little bit harder for me, though. I don't know that I'm ready to publicly share the first one that comes to mind (it isn't even the one I shared with Susan tonight). Maybe that's because it's still one I grapple and struggle with. Maybe because I know that it's one that would likely be taken the wrong way and unintentionally offend someone. And part of it is that it's hard to articulate how something that has been so sacred to me has slowly been pulled apart, thread by thread. 

But don't we have the most to learn from our wine to waters? Aren't the wine to waters the ones where division happens? Where people get hurt? Where disagreements come to surface? Where we have to let conflict be present?

Guess what?! Churches aren't perfect. Sometimes, we mess up. We turn what are really good and awesome things into not so awesome things. We get wrapped up in how awesome they are and how we could make them even more awesome, instead of letting them be what they are and we try too hard. So how do we avoid that? How do we know when to leave good things alone and not mess with them anymore? I don't really have the answers, just the questions... But I know that I have to explore that because I don't want to turn anyone's wine into water. 

Shhh... Just Listen.

It seems like so often, we get so caught up in teaching people "how to" talk to God or pray or practice religion that we forget to teach them how to listen for God. If anyone ever tried to teach me that growing up, I either missed the point completely or was gone that Sunday.

Seriously.

I cannot tell you how many people have told me that they've prayed about this or that... For clarity, for answers, for direction. But, they say, they never get an answer! So why even try?! I think I'm going to just start answering their question with question. Well, did you really spend some time listening for an answer?

It was not until I started working with the preschoolers and kindergarteners at my church that I really learned how to stop and listen for God by being in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I have my friend Jenn to thank for that - she really helped me to understand how to listen. You've heard that "Be still and know that I am God" thing? Yeah. Try it some time!

The more I am mindful of taking the time to stop and listen to what God is trying to tell me, the more often I actually hear or experience what God is trying to tell me. Crazy concept, I know. I think that God is still speaking to us in many, many ways... Yeah, there are those giant revelations that hit like a brick, but there are also the small things: the little obstacles, the gut feelings, the worries and the fear. There's something to listen to in those, too. Sometimes, in the little things, there is greater revelation, for me, than in the big things. They are the reassurance, the guidance, the moral weight, and the peace that I find in small and every day decisions. But in order to benefit from the little ways that God speaks to us, we have to be willing to learn to listen to the little things and honor them.

So how do we listen? How do we listen for the little things? What is that process like?

1. Shut up. Seriously. Just shut up. If all the time you're spending with God is in worship services or in praying TO God, it's time to learn to shut up. Learn to just enjoy the presence of God, without an agenda... In the small and peaceful moments, first, and then work your way to the conflicted, chaotic moments. Enjoying the presence of God - which is seriously all around us - opens you to the idea of a God who just wants to be with you. Isn't it easier to listen to a friend when you're not talking or doing 700 other things? I thought so.

2. Learn that it isn't always what you think you want to hear and learn to honor that. Sometimes, when you're spending time with God, She may reveal things to you that you don't really like. I don't believe that God tests our faithfulness, but I believe that She asks us to be faithful. When you have gut feelings or obstacles that appear that seem like the opposite of what you're hoping for, learn to sit with those feelings. To welcome them. To recognize that there is something in them to listen to. And then learn that to honor those feelings, you must recognize them as equally valid as what you were hoping for. I'm not saying that you have to reject all logic and reason and follow those feelings if they are outlandish, but at least give them a chance. Don't just write them off. This was probably the hardest for me - and it's one I still struggle with at times - but it gets easier over time. Promise. And, if you're lucky, God will send you little reassurances... Friends with encouragement, a total feeling of peace, everything going right... Those are the easiest to honor.

3. When you've listened to those things and honored them, act on them. Step out in faith. Do it with the easy things first. Then work your way to the harder ones. I keep finding that the more I step out in faith and honor what I learn in the time I spend listening to God, the easier it becomes to do. The little things, like teaching Sunday School or chaperoning a Missions Trip turn to big things, like asking for in-discernment status and going to seminary. Yeah, the bigger things may seem scary or uncomfortable, but the rewards I've gained from listening to, honoring and acting on the smaller things make it easier to be faithful in the bigger ones.

Listen, honor, act. It's not that hard. You just have to be mindful of it. That's the hard part. Remembering to do it. I promise you - when you remember to listen, God will reveal things to you. They may be big, they may be small... But they will be yours.