It Gets Better.

Today is National Coming Out Day. I’ve been so inspired by the stories people have shared on social media sites today… Your stories are incredible! The thing that always amazes me about the GLBT community is our strength, determination and ability to persevere. So many in our community face so many forms of hate, but we are resilient!

Here is my story.

There wasn’t a particular moment or time when I suddenly knew that I was lesbian. Growing up, I could be a little bit of a tomboy, but I was also the only girl in my family. I knew that I didn’t see guys the same way my girl friends did in elementary school, but it wasn’t really an issue. As my middle school classmates began to couple up, I was single and had no interest in having a boyfriend.

When I finally realized I was lesbian and really had a name for it, there was a lot of fighting with myself to do. I was angry. I was angry that this happened to me and angry that I couldn’t seem to fix it. I hated myself for who I was, hated God for messing me up in this way and hated the world for making it difficult. I was a good Christian girl. I went to church, I prayed, I read my Bible… Why was this happening to me? And why could I not fix this? Why couldn’t it go away?

I think one of the hardest things about being gay is the fact that you have to come out your entire life. You can come out to friends and family, but every time you meet someone new or re-connect with someone from your past, you have to come out to them. You come out and come out and come out. Your whole life.

So I came out. I came out to my close friends first, then a cousin, then my larger circle of friends. I was careful to stay closeted around most of my family, all of my church and a few friends I thought wouldn’t handle it well. It was great! Being out to so many people was so freeing!

But then my warm, secure walls fell down around me. I was outed. I was outed to my parents. I didn’t get to come out. Someone found my MySpace, emailed it to my pastor and my pastor emailed it to my mother. It was devastating. We didn’t say much, but it was absolutely devastating. I had no control over my sexuality, but I had complete control over who knew about it. Until that moment.

But you know what? The world didn’t end. No, it wasn’t easy. Yes, it felt terrible. I was violated, stripped of my right to choose when to come out and betrayed. No, things weren’t sunshine and roses between my parents and I. But even so, I survived. I have survived the last seven years. I have even enjoyed the last seven years!

I've found a faith community that openly welcomes and affirms the GLBT community, I've watched my family move from denial to acceptance, I've loved... The moral of the story? Come out. But come out in your own way and your own terms in your own time. And know that even though there may be times when seems like happiness will never come, it gets better. 

Follow this link to visit the It Gets Better Project, a collection of inspiring stories for GLBT people.

Follow this link to visit The Trevor Project, a 24-hour suicide and crisis resource hotline for LGBTQ people ages 12-24.

I Wonder

My goodness! There are so many things I’ve wanted to write about, but life is so busy that it seems like there’s no time to write about any of them!

Today was Bible Sunday at our church. Each year, we give our preschoolers and 3^rd graders new Bibles. This year, we gave all of our younger kids (infants-preschool) a Bible, all of our Preschoolers and Kindergarteners a Bible, all of our 3^rd graders a Bible and all of the kids who hadn’t already received a Bible their age-appropriate Bibles. We gave out all kinds of Bibles today!

Ben had asked me help hand them out to each child, one by one. How cool it was to present some of our kids with their very first Bible! And it was SO incredible to see their reactions and excitement for their new book!

When I interviewed with our church Cabinet for in-discernment status, I was asked one theological question: “How do you view the Bible?” This morning, as I taught the Bible Sunday lesson to my preschoolers and kindergarteners, I thought that the lesson summed it up quite nicely. I adapted the original story for my kids and am adapting it even more for the blog. But loosely, it goes something like this:

“The Bible is a gift from God! It is full of the stories of God and the stories of the people of God! It was written for us by the people of God to help us understand the best ways to love God and the best ways to love others. The Bible can serve as a history book, telling about what others have done or as a roadmap, showing us what ways we should choose. But the stories of the people of God are a sacred (set apart) gift from God. They are ours. No one can take them from us. Our Bibles help us to tell the stories of God, but the stories also live in our hearts.”

At the end of all of our lessons, we ask the “I Wonder” questions. Today, it was “I wonder what your favorite Bible story is?” My kids’ answers? Jonah and the Whale, Advent, Creation, The Parable of the Good Samaritan…

It’s so cool to have to ask our kids to put away their Bibles for a few minutes during the story time. And incredibly humbling to watch them choose reading stories in their new Bibles as one of their activities during response time.

If I were teaching this lesson to adults, my last question would be “I wonder when we stopped getting so excited to read the stories of God?”

I Think We Missed the Point

You know what bothers me? Getting so wrapped up in the practice of our faith that we miss the point. Our faith really isn't about the church-y. In my world, it's about finding and trusting in the sacredness of things greater than us. Beyond our our imaginations and possibilities... If we're wrapped up in what we call it, the "gender" of the greater power or the rituals we need to go through to get to it, we've missed the point.

This is probably the disclaimer paragraph of this whole post. My name for the greater power is God. I come from the Christian tradition; that's what I grew up calling it. Does God need to be gendered? No. In fact, I often interchange pronouns for God, using both male and female pronouns or titles. I love the rituals employed by different churches, temples and mosques because they help me to feel closer and more connected to both God and the people who have or are walking their faith journeys, too. I love the symbolism and discipline found in the structure of many faith practices. I pray, I use prayer beads, I meditate, I love prayer labrynths, I go to church every week, I read and study the texts of my faith... But I also see God in many other places. The smile of a child, the comfort of a friend's embrace, the peace I feel when playing the piano...

Almost six years ago now (hard to believe!), there were a string of events that really led me to become open to experiencing the spirit in ways I hadn't before. Before that, I was a "practice-centered Christian" (I just totally made up that term). Saying the right words while praying, completing tasks like they were a checklist, singing Christian music and reading the Bible in a literal way were all important parts of what I needed to do to be a Christian. Or so I believed.

Several friends, Jenn in particular, helped me begin to get more comfortable with a new concept of this Christian faith that was so important to me. I began not worrying about the words I used when praying or not using any words altogether. I began listening for the feelings in the pit of my stomach, the voice in the back of my head... I started to see God not as this overpowering and chastising father figure, but as a loving, peaceful and supportive mother. The religious rituals I practice - baptism, communion, song, - became less about their concrete practice and more about the way they helped me feel connected to God or connected to the holy. I learned to use a prayer labrynth to quiet my spirit and listen, I began reading the Bible and asking myself what the morals or messages the authors were trying to get across, based on what we know was going on in the world at those times and I began figuring out that growing up, I'd often missed the point of what my faith really was all about.

And today, more than ever, I get super frustrated when I see friends who are struggling and getting hung up on those practice-centered things. All of those things are human-created ways to help us grasp and understand and live out this incredible sense of higher power that is sacred to us. We will all experience God (or Buddah or Yhwh or Vishnu or Allah or whatever we call that greater divinity) in different ways, in different places and in different times. Sometimes I just want to shake people and tell them to let those things go! To experience first and worry about how to do it and what to call it later! If it's about the things and the names and the "right" and "wrong" way to experience it, we've missed the point. Totally, completely and absolutely missed the point.

"Spiritual but not religious" is a whole separate blog issue, but in some ways I don't think those people have missed the mark that much. All the tools that we use within religions are just ways to help us experience, understand and grasp this concept that is so much greater than us... But if you took it all away, would your remaining faith still exist? Six years ago for me, it really didn't...

The Holy Spirit's Movin, Y'All!

Hi, Blogworld! I missed you! It's been a little crazy lately (like it ever hasn't been; that's a total excuse). Tonight's blog might verge on the edge of repetitive to something I've already said, but there's a giant spider in my room that disappeared a few minutes ago and I haven't found it again, so I'm not willing to spend the time or reading power to look and be sure it isn't.

I need to preface this post with a little background so it all makes sense for you. I have always been a big believer that people will start searching for God or for a church when they're ready for and open to it. And that until they're ready for and open to it, even if they go or you share, it probably won't end in an incredible experience.

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at a barbecue and a family member remarked to her sister that they really needed to get to church and that they should go to my church because there were lots of kids there. I don't remember the specifics of the conversation, but it ended abruptly when I said that I was sure her sister knew where I went to church and that they were always welcome and that if she had any other questions about it, she knew where to find me, but shoving it toward them wasn't necessary.

Well guess what? Tonight, the sister called me and asked if she could drop the kids off for church tomorrow. And then she thanked me for standing up and saying that they would ask if and when they were ready.

Going to a new church or exploring the whole God thing can be scary if you've never been or haven't been in a while. Hell, it's scary even if you have. I remember searching for a new church after leaving the one I grew up in! Scary stuff! It takes some time just to get used to the idea of it, even before you act. And someone saying "you should..." isn't helpful. Not in my mind, anyways. "Hey, I want you to know that if and when you're ready to explore the possibility, I'd love to share my church with you" is less threatening and quite honestly, more inviting to me.

It's one of those trusting God issues. Sometimes, you just have to trust that the Holy Spirit will move within people to grant them the courage it takes to pick up the phone and ask or walk through a door. Or to seek out whatever they're searching for. Our job isn't to push or compel or motivate. Our job is to be there to welcome people in whom the Holy Spirit has moved.

Cook The Snot Out Of It

If you've ever tried to eat with me, you've noticed that it can, at times, be rather difficult. Why? Because I am allergic to everything. If it's a fresh fruit or vegetable, there's an 80% chance I'm allergic to it. Until you cook the snot out of it. Once it's cooked to oblivion, we're good to go... And I can enjoy the same delicious things as you.

It's called Oral Allergy Syndrome and actually stems from my environmental allergies. Basically I'm allergic to whatever plants the foods grow on. Lots and lots of people with OAS experience symptoms that come and go with their seasonal allergies. But not me. No. That would be simple and cool and peachy keen, jelly bean. Mine are here year-round. And they're severe. Like anaphylaxis severe. Which makes eating an adventure.

You'd be amazed at what you can cook, though! There are very few fruits and veggies that you can't somehow cook enough to eat. My dear friend Jennifer has allergies similar to mine and she's been a great resource of new recipes and ideas. A few months ago, she discovered that we can take frozen strawberries, boil the snot out of them, refreeze them, thaw them and use them in a smoothie or protein drink. BERRIES! For the first time in years! Oh, berries, how I'd missed thee! 

Tonight, I decided to get a little bit adventurous. I did the strawberries, as normal, and added bananas and cherry juice. A little twist of the flavors... Have you ever boiled a banana? That's a sight to see. Gross and really cool all at the same time. I also discovered tonight that it's time to invest in an immersion blender. Just strawberries can be mashed up pretty well with a potato smasher, but the bananas change the texture of the whole mixture just enough that it would be more pleasant with an immersion blender. Or maybe I'm just lazy. The puree is still pretty chunky tonight, but holy woah! It's delicious! 

Here's my recipe:

4lbs frozen strawberries

4 bananas, yellow (not green, not brown, not purple)

12ish oz. cherry juice

I made it in the cast iron pot... Put the strawberries in the pot (frozen), break the banana into halves or thirds, pour the cherry juice over everything. Turn the heat on to medium high (NOT HIGH) until the cherry juice starts to boil, then turn it down to medium. Let it cook for a half hour, use your potato masher or immersion blender, pour into storage containers or ice cube trays, freeze. 

When you're ready for a real fruit popsicle, pop a cube out of the tray and eat it. If you're ready for some flavored yogurt, a bowl of plain yogurt and a cube is fabulous. For a smoothie, yogurt and several cubes. Jenn even adds protein powder! 

I know you're totally jealous that I can make an entire smoothie in just under 12 hours (because fruit doesn't freeze that quickly, after it comes off the boiling stove). You're probably jealous that I eat grilled romaine lettuce and kale, too. And that I roast bananas in honey. And that I have a perfectly legitimate medical reason for not eating my brussels sprouts. 

But I'm telling you, next time you go to eat a salad, be glad you don't have to cook it. Because cooked salad just isn't the same. 

Water and Wine

Every month at our church Cabinet meeting, we complete a task or discussion activity that aims to keep us mindful of our mission. Tonight, we had a discussion prompt. We worked in partners and were to give an example of when a church had turned water into wine for us and then an example of when a church had turned wine into water for us.

In John 2, there's a story where Jesus, his mom Mary, and Jesus' disciples are at a wedding. They ran out of wine at the wedding and Mary was freaking out to Jesus about it. Jesus basically told Mary it wasn't really his problem. Mary ordered the servants to do what Jesus said, so Jesus told the servants to fill all the jars with water and take it to the chief steward. To his pleasant surprise, when he drank from the jugs, the water had miraculously become wine. Yeah! Party on! 

So what's my water to wine? My most recent water to wine moment was on the missions trip last week. I didn't go with the expectation that I would be helping to lead vespers, to offer a prayer of blessing for a new garden or to prepare for a communion service. But I was given all of those opportunities. What I thought would be missions work and chaperoning youth was truly an opportunity for ministry I'd never gotten before.  It doesn't seem like much... But it went from being an ordinary day of work to a sacred time of preparing communion and peaceful prayer before vespers. In many of those moments, I felt closer to God than I ever had before. 

Digging into the wine to water was a little bit harder for me, though. I don't know that I'm ready to publicly share the first one that comes to mind (it isn't even the one I shared with Susan tonight). Maybe that's because it's still one I grapple and struggle with. Maybe because I know that it's one that would likely be taken the wrong way and unintentionally offend someone. And part of it is that it's hard to articulate how something that has been so sacred to me has slowly been pulled apart, thread by thread. 

But don't we have the most to learn from our wine to waters? Aren't the wine to waters the ones where division happens? Where people get hurt? Where disagreements come to surface? Where we have to let conflict be present?

Guess what?! Churches aren't perfect. Sometimes, we mess up. We turn what are really good and awesome things into not so awesome things. We get wrapped up in how awesome they are and how we could make them even more awesome, instead of letting them be what they are and we try too hard. So how do we avoid that? How do we know when to leave good things alone and not mess with them anymore? I don't really have the answers, just the questions... But I know that I have to explore that because I don't want to turn anyone's wine into water. 

Conversations Of God with Teens

I get to spend the next few days with a pretty awesome 16-year-old kid. I've known him for a long time and even though he sometimes has his moments, I love him dearly. Tonight, he asked what he would have to wear to church on Sunday morning when he goes with me. And then our conversation took an interesting turn.

I asked how often C goes to church and if he likes it. He likes church, so I asked what his favorite part of going to church was. Somehow (don't remember exactly how we got there) we started talking about wearing hats in church. He asked if it was wrong to wear a hat in church. I don't know about you, but I really don't think God cares what we wear to church. I told him that some might find it disrespectful to wear it, but that if he wanted to wear a hat to church, it would be okay with me. I didn't think God was going to be upset about it.

And then came the issue of cussing. Anyone who has been around me for any length of time knows that I have a mouth. Sometimes I try to hold my tongue more than other times, but I have a mouth. Here was C's explanation of the issue: someone somewhere along the way told me I can''t believe in God and cuss, but I do both.

Oh, dear child.... Here's the way I see it: We're humans. Language is required to communicate. And sometimes, we have to communicate strong, harsh and unpleasant things. So long as you're not using harsh and unpleasant language towards or about another person in a manner that is hurtful or disrespectful, sometimes, you just have to use it. Please don't get tripped up over this... I don't think it's a topic worth making a fuss over. BUT. On the other hand, your parents have rules regarding your language and I do expect that you follow them. And I will hold you to them. So don't think that you can go around saying whatever you want. You can't. But don't think that God's going to smite you if you say you've had a shitty day.

This is the thing that bothers me so often... Some people get so wrapped up in the things they think God sees as wrong that we forget to show people the awesome, cool and wonderful things about God. Like grace, mercy and love! And so what if we cuss? Doesn't mean God loves us any less! Doesn't mean we can't believe in God!

We talked a little more and C seemed upset that nobody else in his youth group ever seems to doubt God. That breaks my heart... In my eyes, part of being a spiritual leader means inviting people to wonder about God, doubt God and question God... In my faith journey, those points were the points where my understanding of God grew most deeply and profoundly. And because I have been allowed to wonder and doubt and question, I know in my heart of hearts that God is there. And always has been and always will be. But I had to find that conclusion for myself. Just like C will have to find that for himself.

It is not our job to spoon-feed our kids their faith. It is our job to live our faith, to demonstrate our faith, to be real and practical about our faith and it's application in our daily lives. To allow our kids to explore and question and to accompany them on that journey. That way, it's personal. It's real. Faith actually means something.