I get to spend the next few days with a pretty awesome 16-year-old kid. I've known him for a long time and even though he sometimes has his moments, I love him dearly. Tonight, he asked what he would have to wear to church on Sunday morning when he goes with me. And then our conversation took an interesting turn.
I asked how often C goes to church and if he likes it. He likes church, so I asked what his favorite part of going to church was. Somehow (don't remember exactly how we got there) we started talking about wearing hats in church. He asked if it was wrong to wear a hat in church. I don't know about you, but I really don't think God cares what we wear to church. I told him that some might find it disrespectful to wear it, but that if he wanted to wear a hat to church, it would be okay with me. I didn't think God was going to be upset about it.
And then came the issue of cussing. Anyone who has been around me for any length of time knows that I have a mouth. Sometimes I try to hold my tongue more than other times, but I have a mouth. Here was C's explanation of the issue: someone somewhere along the way told me I can''t believe in God and cuss, but I do both.
Oh, dear child.... Here's the way I see it: We're humans. Language is required to communicate. And sometimes, we have to communicate strong, harsh and unpleasant things. So long as you're not using harsh and unpleasant language towards or about another person in a manner that is hurtful or disrespectful, sometimes, you just have to use it. Please don't get tripped up over this... I don't think it's a topic worth making a fuss over. BUT. On the other hand, your parents have rules regarding your language and I do expect that you follow them. And I will hold you to them. So don't think that you can go around saying whatever you want. You can't. But don't think that God's going to smite you if you say you've had a shitty day.
This is the thing that bothers me so often... Some people get so wrapped up in the things they think God sees as wrong that we forget to show people the awesome, cool and wonderful things about God. Like grace, mercy and love! And so what if we cuss? Doesn't mean God loves us any less! Doesn't mean we can't believe in God!
We talked a little more and C seemed upset that nobody else in his youth group ever seems to doubt God. That breaks my heart... In my eyes, part of being a spiritual leader means inviting people to wonder about God, doubt God and question God... In my faith journey, those points were the points where my understanding of God grew most deeply and profoundly. And because I have been allowed to wonder and doubt and question, I know in my heart of hearts that God is there. And always has been and always will be. But I had to find that conclusion for myself. Just like C will have to find that for himself.
It is not our job to spoon-feed our kids their faith. It is our job to live our faith, to demonstrate our faith, to be real and practical about our faith and it's application in our daily lives. To allow our kids to explore and question and to accompany them on that journey. That way, it's personal. It's real. Faith actually means something.
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