Such Hateful Things

After church this morning, as after church almost every week, I went to lunch with my parents, their pastor and his wife. We were sitting at Chili's and had finally ordered (which was a feat today, considering all of us wanted just about everything on the menu) when the pastor from small local church walked up to our table. He introduced himself, found out Ken was a pastor and then proceeded to spend what seemed like hours, spewing some of the most hateful things I have ever heard anyone say.

He started with telling us about how he'd spend time at the State Capitol over the last few weeks fighting the amendment to allow gay marriage. I wasn't particularly offended by it, since I believe that everyone has their right to their opinion and view on gay marriage. What followed, however, still shocks me.

He proceeded to stand there and tell us (who, mind you, he had never met before) how the "wicked" and "perverted" people were going to ruin this state. One of the most upsetting things, to him, was the fact that there was no exemption for churches or religious organizations. Even though he, or other pastors, could refuse to marry a couple, "those fags" would still be able "to use our churches."

I was absolutely dumbfounded. Before I even address what he was actually saying, let's just talk about etiquette. What, on god's green earth, ever gave him the notion that his opinion or comments on ANY subject were welcome or warranted?! I am totally cool with introducing yourself and exchanging general niceties. But to even broach a subject with any sensitivity with ANY person you just met is absolutely ludicrous.

But it wasn't just that it was socially awkward. NEVER IN MY LIFE have I witnessed someone spew such unabashed hate. Though the slurs and the hateful, hurtful things he was saying were incredibly offensive, there was also another side I saw it from.

I happen to know (from the funeral industry) that he is particularly aggressive about evangelism and sharing his faith with others. Don't get me wrong - I have NO issues with sharing the God I believe in - but there's a difference between sharing your God and shoving your God down someone's throat. This particular pastor happens to be the shove-God-down-your-throat type, which is always a bit of a turn-off for me, but I sat there wondering exactly how effective that shoving God down people's throats was going to be while spewing hate. See, I believe in a gracious, merciful and loving God. My Jesus chose to hang out with the sinners and tax collectors and treated them BETTER than the Pharisees did. What happened at lunch? That demonstrated the opposite. If our job, as Christians, is to be Christ-like, we can't spew hate. Jesus NEVER spewed hate. He stopped it. He stood up against it.

At first, it didn't bother me that nobody said anything or stopped him... We were completely shocked and dumbfounded at the things coming out of his mouth. I felt like I should have said something, but I also felt so personally attacked (even though he didn't know me and didn't know he was personally attacking me) that I didn't know what to say. But the more time that passes, the more upset I am that NOBODY stood up and said it wasn't okay. Not the people I was with. Not the people he was with. Not the people at the other tables right next to us. I'm as guilty as the next, but every single one of us sat there and let him continue to say hateful things. And we didn't do a thing about it.

After he finally left our table and went and sat down at his, the pastor from my parents' church looked at me and acknowledged how uncomfortable and personal that attack on me was. For the differences the two of us have had on the particular subject, that was a big deal to me. But for the first time in my entire life this afternoon, I didn't feel safe. I felt so personally attacked and hated and cornered that I was powerless. I had never witnessed such hate before. Ever.

I struggle to reconcile the events of today with my belief that people are inherently good. It's so hard to believe that a good person would spew such hate. And I refuse to believe that there is anyone who is not a good person. I am the first to say that your views on anything don't have to be the same as mine. And I will be the first to tell you that we can agree to disagree. I don't need you to hold the same views and opinions and interpretations as I do. But I do demand that you be respectful of ALL people. You can't meet hate with hate. It only perpetuates it. Hate can only be conquered through grace, mercy and love. But I'm struggling with ways to show grace, mercy and love to someone who attacked me so deeply and so personally.