Today is National Coming Out Day. I’ve been so inspired by
the stories people have shared on social media sites today… Your stories are
incredible! The thing that always amazes me about the GLBT community is our strength,
determination and ability to persevere. So many in our community face so many
forms of hate, but we are resilient!
Here is my story.
There wasn’t a particular moment or time when I suddenly
knew that I was lesbian. Growing up, I could be a little bit of a tomboy, but I
was also the only girl in my family. I knew that I didn’t see guys the same way
my girl friends did in elementary school, but it wasn’t really an issue. As my
middle school classmates began to couple up, I was single and had no interest
in having a boyfriend.
When I finally realized I was lesbian and really had a name
for it, there was a lot of fighting with myself to do. I was angry. I was angry
that this happened to me and angry that I couldn’t seem to fix it. I hated
myself for who I was, hated God for messing me up in this way and hated the world
for making it difficult. I was a good Christian girl. I went to church, I
prayed, I read my Bible… Why was this happening to me? And why could I not fix
this? Why couldn’t it go away?
I think one of the hardest things about being gay is the
fact that you have to come out your entire life. You can come out to friends
and family, but every time you meet someone new or re-connect with someone from
your past, you have to come out to them. You come out and come out and come
out. Your whole life.
So I came out. I came out to my close friends first, then a
cousin, then my larger circle of friends. I was careful to stay closeted around
most of my family, all of my church and a few friends I thought wouldn’t handle
it well. It was great! Being out to so many people was so freeing!
But then my warm, secure walls fell down around me. I was
outed. I was outed to my parents. I didn’t get to come out. Someone found my
MySpace, emailed it to my pastor and my pastor emailed it to my mother. It was devastating.
We didn’t say much, but it was absolutely devastating. I had no control over my
sexuality, but I had complete control over who knew about it. Until that
moment.
But you know what? The world didn’t end. No, it wasn’t easy.
Yes, it felt terrible. I was violated, stripped of my right to choose when to
come out and betrayed. No, things weren’t sunshine and roses between my parents
and I. But even so, I survived. I have survived the last seven years. I have
even enjoyed the last seven years!
I've found a faith community that openly welcomes and affirms the GLBT community, I've watched my family move from denial to acceptance, I've loved... The moral of the story? Come out. But come out in your own way and your own terms in your own time. And know that even though there may be times when seems like happiness will never come, it gets better.
I've found a faith community that openly welcomes and affirms the GLBT community, I've watched my family move from denial to acceptance, I've loved... The moral of the story? Come out. But come out in your own way and your own terms in your own time. And know that even though there may be times when seems like happiness will never come, it gets better.
