Answer The Stupid Question

For anyone in an academic setting who reads passages (or watches videos) and then responds to a question having to do with the passage, there is a simple process that I highly recommend.

1. Read the question.
2. Read the passage (or watch the video).
3. Re-read the question.
4. Respond to the question.
5. Read the question again. 
6. Ask yourself "Does what I've written answer the question?"
7. If so, congratulations. You're ready to move on. If not, go back to step 3 and repeat.

I just spent an hour of my life reading all the posts of my classmates. The following was the question: 

"Discuss whether or not the "experiment" conducted by What Would You Do? is valid.  What similarities does the set-up have to an experiment?  What differences does the set-up have to an experiment?  What conclusions can we draw from the set-up?  What is the hypothesis in this set-up?  What are the independent and dependent variables?"

These are the types of responses I read (which I have paraphrased for you):

This is definitely a valid experiment. They found that when a white man was stealing the bike from the park, nobody would call the cops. But when the black man stole it, everyone called. People are so racist. Also, the black guy had baggier pants and wore his hat different than the black guy.

Thank you for telling me what I already watched. But that wasn't the point. You've missed the mark. Go back to bed and try again. And tomorrow, for the love of all things Holy, ANSWER THE STUPID QUESTION!

He Called It Jeff Fulton Disease

I had a teacher in high school - Jeff Fulton - who called it Jeff Fulton Disease. You've been there... You read through a page and look up and have absolutely no idea what you just read. And no matter how many times you go back and re-read it, you still have no clue... And never because you don't understand, but because your mind just can't focus. Maybe you have it right now. Maybe you have no clue why you're even trying to read this blog post. I don't know. I don't know why you're reading it... Who'd have thought my life was interesting enough that people would actually want to read about it?!

I have it. Right now. And I have an entire chapter of my Comp book to read and a posting due at midnight. I also have one measly little math problem left that I cannot figure out how to solve. I was really frustrated with math last night and was feeling stupid, but I must have been too tired, because this evening, it went just fine. Except this one stupid problem. I don't have to do this particular problem - I've already missed it enough on the homework that it's locked me out and I won't be able to fix it, but the fact that I can't figure out how to do it is really frustrating me. What if it's on the test?!

And my mind is everywhere but my reading. The part of the chapter I'm supposed to focus on is called "The Importance of Writing Badly." How can it not be interesting!? I read it, read it, and read it again, but I have no idea what I've read, what it's talking about or how I'm supposed to respond to the discussion questions. And my discussion question responses have to be posted on the boards by midnight. Garr.... So what do I do? Blog! Haha. I don't know - maybe getting all this out of my head will help me focus more. And maybe it won't. But it's worth a shot, right?

Week 1: Done

I survived my first week of school! And yes... I passed my math quiz. =] Thanks to my lovely, wonderful, math-inclined (nerdy-but-I-love-her) friend Suzi. In my psychology class, we're discussing nature vs. nurture and which is more powerful. This afternoon, I got into a discussion about how most major world religions weigh in on the debate. While most of the class got really into talking about feral children (based on a video we had to watch), he and I were talking religion, spirituality and the basis of values... It's pretty interesting!

In Comp this week, we've talked about open and closed writing, as well as the importance of a good question and the balance of creative writing and critical thinking. Not much too interesting to report there, except that one of my classmates posed the example of a blog being one of the best balances. I'm still not sure that I necessarily agree with that, but I'm exploring the idea.

And oh, that dreaded math quiz... I passed it last night with a 90%. I understand it now! I got 2 questions half wrong, both on graphing. I'll have to go back and try to figure those out before the first test, but from here on out, I'm done with that part of it. I got all of the solving linear equations by substitution and addition right, and that looks like all we use from this point forward, so I really don't care. Seriously... when is a hospice chaplain going to have to solve a linear equation by graphing? I think never.

For as worried as I really was about being able to get back into the swing of things, this week has been fairly smooth. I only had one freak-out and panic moment with the whole first math quiz fiasco and I got through it just fine and relatively stress-free. And I even got to go out last night and spend some time in downtown Loveland - which has some great nightlife, if you haven't checked it out. Tomorrow starts another week... Here's to a second as good as the first!

Math Sucks!

Haha... I will never forget my first day of AP math in high school... We body graphed to this Jimmy Buffet song. MATH SUCKS! And tonight, it's my anthem.

Really, though. It's killing me! I'm at least ten hours into this assignment and I just can't figure it out... We're supposed to be solving systems of linear equations by graphing, addition and substitution. There are the examples in the textbook, which relate to about half the problems. Our assignment is actually on a web-based program called MML+, which is incredibly sporadic and in-concise. This afternoon, I was solving and the problem was written in decimal form, to the tenths. The instructions said to answer in decimal form or an integer. So I answered in decimal form to the tenths. Nope. Says it's wrong. So I changed my answer to a fraction and resubmitted. Nope. Still wrong. After  you try twice, it won't let you try anymore, but it gives you the answer it's looking for. It rounded. It never told me to round anything! And on the next step of the same problem? Yep... It wanted a decimal! Make up your mind, stupid program!

I finally got the homework portion done and was feeling really good about it... I'd done some book work, since it was all I had to practice that wasn't crazy and I'd gotten all the book problems right. So I decided while I was still in the swing of it and feeling good, I'd take the quiz. In which I got a 40%. So frustrating! At least you get two attempts on the quiz and I have until tomorrow at midnight to get it done. So I'm headed to the learning lab in the morning for some help.

At least Comp and Psych haven't been so difficult and frustrating. Read a little, respond a little... Last night I actually watched a really interesting video on Feral Children for Psych... About a girl who's parents neglected her, so she basically grew up with her dogs and how much her lack of human interaction damaged her psychologically. We're having the nature vs. nurture debate... It's pretty interesting. And our composition class gave us permission to be bad writers for now, which is always nice. Lol! However, my high school Comp teacher invaded my textbook. I opened up the page and it said:

So what?

Just like that. Just like Luce used to write it on the top of my papers. I'm traumatized. I wanted to cry. But instead, I texted her a picture and laughed. Because I knew she would too. =] Not much else left to do for the week, so I'm hoping that I can finish everything tomorrow night and take the weekend off. The other day I created this nifty little organizer, where I can list what's due each day for each class and highlight everything once it's completed... I'm rather enjoying loking at it and seeing only a few things left, but I'll be much happier when the stupid math quiz is crossed off! 

Day One? Check!

It finally arrived! I made it to (and through) my first day of school! Yesterday morning, after getting up, I hopped online and checked out my classes. In the thirty or so minutes I spent looking through things, I came to the conclusion that I have three very different professors. I also ran over to the bookstore to pick up my ENG 121 STUPID CUSTOM textbook. Never, never again will I go to campus on the first day of classes. That was insane.

My ENG 121 professor and I are going to do very well. She has posted the syllabus, schedule, a couple of resources that we need and told us to expect postings due Wednesday, peer review due Thursday and assignments due Sunday. She posted extra information for the first two weeks, but nothing else. There it was... All the information, laid out perfectly, neatly and understandably, so that I might refer to it very easily.

My MAT 099 professor, on the other hand, threw everything at me. She has already posted the ENTIRE semester of assignments and work, but in no resemblance of an order that I have figured out. It took me until this morning to find what is due this week. She's created this pseudo-checklist, but it's so confusing that I'm really not sure how to use it. So frustrating!

I will say that my PSY 101 professor is right down the middle. She's given us the first four weeks, decently organized, but everything is posted twice. I'd get about a quarter of the way through a document and wonder if I'd read it before. Then I finally figured out everything was posted twice. Her "checklist" is a two-page outline that I had to remake into a checklist - but I could at least figure out what was going on.

Oh. And my math book? Yeah. I had it shipped to my ex-mother-in-law's house. *facepalm* I swear that I changed the shipping address to the store, but I either didn't hit submit or it glitched or something... This can of worms should be interesting. Lesson 1: Always, always, always double check your shipping address. Always.

Tomorrow

Tonight is my official last night of non-student- (-ness, -dom?). Tomorrow I officially start classes and the seven-year educational journey that's in front of me. I probably should have done something epic to commemorate the occasion, but I didn't. I was on Pintrest for quite a while, Facebooked, talked to a bunch of friends... And here I am. Truth be told, I tried to log in to my classes, but it tells me there's a hold until midnight. Oh, and laundry. I did laundry.

Today, I had to make an incredibly difficult decision. With so much time being taken by work (and associated travel), church (and associated travel and responsibilities), and school, there just aren't enough hours in my day. Coupled with a lot of Monday night rehearsals I'd be missing, I had to accept the fact that I won't be able to compete with my chorus in April. It absolutely breaks my heart... If you've known me for long, you know that Greeley Harmonix is the highlight of my week. I love those girls and that music with all that I am. But it isn't fair for me to go on stage and be a weak link... I just won't do it. And making that decision was rough, even knowing that I'll go back after contest is over.

I can honestly say that I've never been so excited to start a day of school in my life. I can also honestly say that I'm having a really rough time focusing right now, so I shall sign off here and now for the night. Full report tomorrow! 

Books. Books. Books.

Textbooks. Woah. Didn't see that expense coming. I mean, I knew that I would have to buy textbooks and I knew that textbooks aren't cheap. But when I first looked....over $700! I about fell over dead! I'm taking THREE classes for ONE semester! That's just crazy!

So... I turned to my wonderful friends on Facebook. They pointed me to Chegg, where I found my PSY101 book for rent - less than $50 for the whole semester. They also sent me to Amazon, which was actually much more pricey than some other places. Many friends recommended Half.com, which I've purchased regular books from before. That's where I found my math book for $48 after shipping. But I'm still a little irritated about my ENG 121 book... Who makes custom textbooks?! What kind of crap is that?! You guessed it... Only available at the school bookstore! (And on Craigslist, which I wasn't fast enough to get.) Irritating. Half of me knows that I should drive over to the bookstore tomorrow and buy the stupid book. The other half of me wonders whether or not I'll really need it... If I don't need it, I really don't want to buy the stupid thing.

Oye.... BUT! My brother got me a Kindle for Christmas... I'm LOVING it! I've discovered just how many free books there are out there for Kindle. I'm also learning just how much less regular books cost on it! I've missed reading! I will say, though, that it could be a recipe for a lot of late nights... I'm one of those who just can't put down a good book! Oh, well... I've always enjoyed books and I'm not going to stop anytime soon.

Passions

I'm posting this from my phone for the first time, so you may have to forgive iPhone autocorrect errors or bad typing, we will see. :-) It's also important that I keep the following friend's identity under wraps, so you'll have to forgive the upcoming vague pronoun mess.

This week, I got to watch a long-time friend chase their dream with a passion that amazes me. I have never known this friend to settle, to give up or to take no for an answer. This was no exception.

As we sat at Starbucks and worked on a project, said friend shared with me some of the reasons that this particular dream was so meaningful. What was funniest? Everything I've watched this friend achieve with incredible intent to this point (and I've seen a lot - we've known each other since elementary school) will serve my friend in this one ultimate dream.

Even when faced with initial rejection, this particular friend made a few phone calls, said "I won't take no for an answer" and asked what it was going to take to get another chance.

I admire this friends passion. It doesn't only extend to their dreams and desires, but to their friendships and relationships with others. This is a friend whom I know, without a doubt, would be there for any friend in a time of need. The passion for others translates into some of the most compassion I've ever seen in one person. We should all strive to be that way!

So as I prepare to start school on Tuesday, I pray that my passion for ministry will continue to grow. That it will be just as strong as the passion of my friend. If I face rejection along the way, I pray that I will stand up to it and say "I will not accept this." And one day, I hope I'll look back and see that everything I have done has set me up to realize my dream of ministry. So thank you, friend, for being so passionate for so long. I appreciate your willingness to share this journey with me. You will do great things - I know it!

Questions

Questions are incredibly powerful things. Knowing how to word a question or knowing what question to ask can give you incredible insight into a person's life, thoughts, passions and aspirations. Today, I asked a whole lot of questions. I was interviewing someone at work and asked questions. We had our first meeting as the new Spiritual Growth committee at church and I asked questions that gave me great perspective on where people were in their journeys right now.

A few weeks ago, I spent a couple of hours trying to perfectly construct a set of questions that I would present to the Spiritual Growth group. I wanted them to be very open-ended, inviting discussion, but not leading. I wanted them to be honest - with true meaning and designed to provide useful information. I wanted them to be neutral - with no right or wrong answer. Accomplishing all of that was harder than I thought it would be.

Well, I must have done well constructing these questions. I sent out seven questions in advance. I thought that tonight we'd get through all of the questions and move on to setting a couple of goals. We got through two of the questions. There was SO much feedback. SO many ideas shared and SO much rich discussion! We never got off-topic or sidetracked. And I came back with more notes about our responses than I imagined I could.

When I make a list of things I want to get through and have an agenda or plan, I'm a pretty big stickler to getting it all done. Tonight a little part of me feels like we didn't get much accomplished. After all, we didn't even make it half way through the list! On the other hand, though, the discussion and response was so rich and so telling that I feel like we accomplished a ton. I wouldn't want to have cut that conversation short.

I thought I was crazy for obsessing so long over asking the right questions. But I got what I wanted, so maybe the obsession was worth it....

Go For The Gold

It used to be that I was super organized about my schedule and the tasks I had to complete. You know that Type-A friend who makes you crazy because there has to be a plan for every second of the day? Yeah. That was me. When I went to RYLA in high school, the personality test system we used had me categorized about as gold as they come. But the older I've gotten, the less gold I am. I have just let go of the need to plan every second, keep a full year's calendar and have a hundred lists a day.

But since I'm starting school later this month and working as a DSC and traveling so much this year on top of the other things I do, I decided that this year, I need to go for the gold. I can't miss deadlines, forget meetings or function without lists. Or I WILL forget.

So yesterday afternoon, after falling on the ice (could I resolve to be less accident prone this year?), I went out and bought myself a new planner. It's a pretty simple planner. Just a page per day with a pre-labeled 8am-8pm schedule, a to do list, expense column and note section on each page. So I thought to myself: Hey! I'll write in my travel! And my church meetings! And... And... And...

SIX HOURS LATER, I was still writing in my planner! Oye! I needed to get it all in there and I'm glad I did, but holy Moses. It's been a few years since I've been so structured about schedules, tasks and commitments. I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

One thing I hope will serve me well, though, is that I've already scheduled out twelve hours every week for school. And my promise to myself and my educational journey is that if I have another event that comes up during a scheduled school time slot, I have to move that school time slot to another day or find a place to make up those hours. And if I don't have any more assignments to work on and still have time left, I will go back and review. I think it's the only way I'll be sure I stay focused.

So it's time to bury my inner orange that comes out more and more with age and go for the gold! I need to do it to be successful - I just hope I can re-connect with the discipline I used to have!

Honor It

I had a horrible time getting out of bed this morning. Not because I needed more sleep or because I wasn't looking forward to the day. There was nothing in particular I was dreading and I was wide awake. I was just incredibly comfortable and all warm and snuggly and.... Well, you get the picture. But I got up and went to work and did my thang because I'm a big girl and that's what big girls have to do. At one point today, there was a situation I knew could be uncomfortable, so as I drove into Sterling, I decided to make it my first stop. If you've ever read Eat That Frog - I was eating my frog.

When I left that first stop, I sat back down in the car and just cried. I was angry and hurt - the people there had been incredibly rude and belittling to me. So the rest of the day, before walking in to any place, I had to take a moment to remind myself that the rest of the people I would see were not at fault for my anger or hurt and deserved nothing but my smile and best attitude. I made it through the rest of my day, enjoying and appreciating the others I encountered, but I'll admit that even now, I'm still a little bit hurt.

This evening, as I read comments from an earlier Facebook post, I felt surrounded by the love and support of my friends. But one comment, in particular, stood out to me. My good friend, whom I respect very much asked me to honor that feeling. It's not a new concept - I've invented my own process for it. Consider the feeling, recognize it, and validate it.   The next part is the hard part... Ask "What can I learn or gain from this feeling?"

So for the past hour or so, I've been trying to figure out how to honor this feeling of hurt. Am I hurt? Yes. Was the situation earlier today hurtful? Yes. Was there anything I could have done to prevent or change the situation? Not that I can recognize. Do I give myself permission to be hurt? No. But what can I learn or gain from this hurt? 

I'm a little stuck... It's easy to honor things that are exciting or calming or even scary for me. But I'm not so sure I know how to honor this hurt. Maybe it's difficult because I don't want to say that I'm okay with feeling hurt. Maybe it's because I don't know how to find productivity in hurt. And maybe finding a way to honor the hurt is the REASON I have to honor this hurt... 

I hope this doesn't read as a "poor me" post. I really am just fine and have had an otherwise fantastic day, but it's what's on my mind. I'm just trying to figure out how to honor this hurt. How do you honor YOUR hurt?

We're Facebook Official

I suppose it's time to make it "Facebook Official." You know that time in a relationship where you're committed enough that you're willing to let all of cyberspace in on it? Yeah. It's where I'm at. I haven't really hidden it. But I haven't shouted it to the world yet. So here it goes:

I want to be a hospice chaplain.

Whew... That was so.... Not scary to write. The quick version of the story that led me here goes like this: after spending two years working in the funeral industry, I realized how much I love being with hospice patients and families as they're making their last precious memories together and reflecting on all that they've done. I've seen what a burden death and the dying process can be to families and what solace some find in it. I've seen the incredible strength and total brokenness in families on the worst days of their lives. And every single time, I am reminded how blessed I am to be able to support them in those times.

For several years, I have felt a strong calling to ministry, but it wasn't until this fall that all of the pieces "fell" together and made me have a pretty gigantic DUH moment. I didn't know what area of ministry I was being called to, but it was suddenly pretty obvious. I was being called to hospice and end-of-life ministry.

So, with the help, support and encouragement of a few close friends, wonderful clergy and a whole host of others, I'm setting out on this journey. Hospice Chaplaincy is no joke - seven years of school are ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to enjoying the path. And since I want to cherish this time and share my story as encouragement for others who might be on similar journeys, I am committing to writing my journey down. I might not make it every day - or even every week - but it's important to me. Some day, I want to look back and remember where I have been, where I am going and where I will be.

And this is just too funny to keep to myself: